I can't watch pbs sober anymore
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
