You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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