he puts the penis in happiness.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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