my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
