No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
