That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
