I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
