So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
