I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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