if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Randomize
