Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize