i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
