You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
