She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
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