evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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