I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I want to fling myself into the sun
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
