Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
