After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Randomize
