suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
