He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
The feeling are messing with the penis
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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