If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
