I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
