He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Randomize
