She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I still have a little drunk in my system
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
