Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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