She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
