I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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