yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
