I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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