There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Randomize
