Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
