I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
