Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
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