he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
