we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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