you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
