my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
