with your own penis?
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
