My brain says no but my pants say off.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
