some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
