I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
