so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Drake has all the answers
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
