a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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