Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
