I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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