just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
