I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize