remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
