So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
