That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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