why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
my god I love twenty year old dicks
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
