Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
