**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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