I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
