the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
