apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
