Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I wish there were birth control emojis
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
