I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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