So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
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