I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Randomize
