how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize
