i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
