he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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