piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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