We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
