Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
