So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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