I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
