he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
