I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
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